A Paperless Book

These questions don't really have any meaning. They are just being asked for the sake of keeping sanity.
Monotony is a curse in my opinion, and these questions may help cure monotony. For example, Vanilla Ice Cream tastes really really good! But given enough time and ice cream, it seems bland, and poor consumers are forced to be distracted by another brand of ice cream. It's depressing and really sad in a way... But I have solved this ice cream issue, the only true way to fully eliminate monotony in vanilla ice cream is to change some of the flavoring. Just for kicks, sprinkle some of that "Mrs. Dash" salad seasoning on the desert. Whether this trend catches on is pointless. The true point is to break monotony whether for good or bad, just so we as a humane society don't drive each other mad with our boring, pointless, senseless lives!
So anyway, back to those questions, here they are, and remember, these questions are only here to break monotony. They are not to be solved They are only here to throw off the formula of normal questioning, thus adding some spice to your mind.

1) What is the difference of an Orange?
2) What is the square route of a rhinoceros?
3) If Gazelles could drive taxis, and if Penguins wore flak jackets, then how long would a submarine be?

The following is an exerpt from The Hichhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. In my opinion, it provides the reader with some valuable insight to the life of our planet...
“Far out in the backwaters of the unfashionable end of the western spiral arm of the galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun.
Orbiting this at a distance of roughly ninety-eight million miles is an utterly insignificant little blue-green planet whose ape-descended life forms are so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches are a pretty neat idea.
This planet has-or rather had-a problem, which was this: most of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much all of the time. Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were largely concerned with the movements of small green pieces of paper which is odd because on the whole it wasn’t the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy.
And so the problem remained; lots of the people were mean, and most of them were miserable, even the ones with digital watches.
Many were increasingly of the opinion that they’d all made a big mistake in coming down from the trees in the first place. And some said that even the trees had been a bad move, and that no one should ever have left the oceans.
And then, one Thursday, nearly two thousand years after one man had been nailed to a tree for saying how great it would be to be nice to people for a change, a girl sitting on her own in a small café in Rickmansworth suddenly realized what it was that had been going wrong all this time, and she finally knew how the world could be made a good and happy place. This time it was right, it would work, and no one would have to get nailed to anything.
Sadly, however, before she could get to a phone to tell anyone about it, a terrible, stupid catastrophe occurred, and the idea was lost for ever.”
-Douglas Adams, God bless his soul

Of all of the people who know me (about 60.783 people), almost none of them know that Murphy is me hero. (Note: for the uninformed ones, Murphy was an optimist who established hundreds of laws and corrolaries that explain and govern the way things are the way they are). His most famous law is "Whatever can go wrong will go wrong at the least wanted moment." The man was a genius. Anyway, one of his laws states that if one was to drop a piece of buttered toast on the floor, the toast will always land buttered side down, ruining both the toast and the potential carpet it lands on.
It was while hearing this law that I figured out how to build a "perpetual motion device."
For the readers that I haven't confused yet, a perpetual motion device is a machine that runs on it's own power. It doesn't have any batteries, solar panels, or wall plugs. It creates it's own energy throught he use of gravity, friction, speed, and all other forms of energy that can be created with a single energy body.
Anyway, before I get sidetracked, back to the toast.
After hearing Murphy's toast law, I learned that, according to the universe, toast must always land buttered side down, no matter what. So I asked myself "Carl, what if I buttered BOTH sides of the toast?!?" And later I answered myself, "Well Jared, upon falling, the the double-buttered toast will stop in mid-air, and begin rotating. Since the universe is trying to force the toast butterside down, it can't make a decision. No matter what the universe decides, the toast will have a buttered side facing upward, thus defying the universe's wishes and killing it in the mass hysteria." Then I asked myself, "WHAT??? Daphne, that is a brilliant deduction!!! You are a genius!" Then I replied, "Yes Fredrick, I know..."
So anyway, in simply buttering a piece of toast both ways and dropping it, one can create an infinite amount of potential energy!
(Note: Don't actually try this, as I fear that the universe may someday change it's mind about that law, or maybe it has recently become suicidal.)

For anyone who read my first blog, you might be wondering how I managed how to figure out the secret to immortality. It is a lot simpler than one might think (and no, it is not "don't die"). As a few select individuals know (including myself), the average human being is a carbon-based lifeform. And as those people also know, we breath oxygen (also known as Dioxide). What hopefully is known is that human beings exhale CO2 or carbon dioxide. That means that for every breath of oxygen we inhale, we exhale that same oxygen plus some carbon from our body out of our system.
So, in short, my theory is this. After many extensive years of breathing, we give off a substantial amount of carbon with our numorous exhalled breaths. When our bodies run out of the necessary amount of carbon to live, we die (awwww...).
So, to make a long story short (too late), the secret of immortality lies in the act of keeping all of that carbon in our system. That means no exhaling! The secret to live forever is to hold your breath for all eternity, so that all of your carbon stays in your system!!!
Good luck, but is not recommended that any person attempt this as this experiment may result in humiliation. For the few special people who DO attempt this, common side effects include, redness, respitatory problems, dryness, burning, whoozyness, loss of conciencness, increased heart rate, low blood pressure, depression and (though very rare) death. You have been warned. >:)
The End :)

Dear...anyone,
hi, I'm Harper and this is my first Blog. (If it stinks, don't tell me about it, it'll hurt my feelings).
I got into blogs because I know several secrets of the universe, and I think it's time I share them with anyone willing to try to pay attention. A perfect example: I know the secret of Immortality! It's very simple. I've also figured out how to fly, aswell as walk on water for anyone else still at this page. These are but a few secrets that can be posted, and more are sure to come. If any one has any great examples of the "secrets of the universe" don't hesitate to share. We have the right to know.